Great Feedback from NYC Midnight Short Screenwriting Challenge

January 15, 2016

This was challenge #2. I was to write a five minute screenplay in 48 hours. I was given the genre - Suspense - the location - a bank - and a prop that had to be included - a mop. 


I'm really chuffed at the feedback I received. 


..A well crafted story with lots of drama. Good job developing character and back story via dialogue. I like the ending bit of suspense in the vault with the gun...............................An actual attempt at a deeper emotional theme, which was lacking in many entries.  Solid characters with well described viewpoints.  Not overwritten.  Generally good dialogue fleshing out character.  ............The guilt and justification from Harriet is palpable; she's nicely-drawn for someone so contained.  Lance's anger and frustration are equally well-drawn, and the glibness of the lawyer feels authentic as well.  The dialogue feels credible; I can hear it in actors' mouths (which is rare).  The moment with the PAs captures Lance's situation very succinctly.

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