Fear is another layer of this onion to unwrap. Not to push away or push down or to override. But to find out what lies beneath.
Last week walking to the writing desk was easy. This week something is screaming at me: "You must not go there."
I unwrap the onion layer and I find a scared, cowering inner child and an intimidating, towering woman telling the child:"get back in" (the box). It is not permissible to come out. You have to be good. You cannot be quirky, or playful, or colourful."
Perhaps this is taught to women more than men - not always - but it is why the class clown is more often a boy, why girls sit more quietly in class. It is the voice that causes the artist to become trapped in the shadows.
In The Way of Woman, Helen M Luke says "all this may seem remote from us, but it is more common than we are easily willing to admit. Insofar as we refuse to see our shadow side, covering it over with sugary so called "goodness" and conventional facades, evading the starkness of fact, we constellate the "witch" in the unconscious."
I tell a friend about the "witch" or the "demon woman" hanging over me, bullying my child and the friend acts as a protector. She tells the bully: "No, you can't talk to her like that anymore." She says it over and over. Slowly the "demon woman" walks away a little.
I think of Jack and the Beanstalk. Jack, a boy, planted a seed and climbed the magic tree, the one that took him outside the house and into other worlds. At the top of the tree he met the Giant who wanted to kill him. Only Jack used the protection of the Giant's wife and cunning to escape. He also cut down the tree. I hope Jack did it not to stop adventuring into other worlds but to say NO to the Giant.
Cartoon by Michael Leunig